Married Woman Chronicles: When Love Goes Wrong (2).

Hello y’all,

Today we continue the married woman chronicles. If you missed the first post, you can read it here.

PS: Its a real life story and your comments are essential.

crying_woman 1Lying down on the hospital bed, waiting to be discharged I feel nothing but sadness. My husband refused to pick the calls put through to his phone, neither did he come to check me at the hospital. I sigh and pull myself together and get into the taxi the hospital hailed for me.

I get home and hold my children tight. They seem to be my only constant joy and light. My husband does not get home until 1 am that night and I calmly ask him if he would like something to eat.

He replies in the negative and says he just wants to sleep. I let him know I need to talk to him. He replies that he’s not in the mood for talking. I try as much as I can to engage him in a conversation but to my shock and amazement he says “you saw me with a woman, and so what?, am I the first, will I be the last?’. You know what? I need my space.

I reel back in pain, not believing the words coming out of his mouth. He continues his tirade telling me he is cheating and there is nothing I can do about it. I start crying and he asks me to leave his room. I fall to my knees begging him for what I do not know now. When he fails to respond, I get up and leave.

I walk downstairs and wail at the injustice of it all. I the offended have become the offender. From his room he peers at me through the window, sees me crying and drops his curtains.

The next morning he travelled out of the country and did not communicate with me or the kids for 5 days. On the 6th day he returns from his trip and did not even bother to apologise for not keeping in touch.

The next morning, my husband knocks on my door  and says we have to talk. I let him know our daughter ran a temperature all through the night and I need to take her to the hospital for tests. He says we will do that after our “talk”.

He starts by saying how tired he is of me and the marriage and ends by muttering the dreaded words “I want a separation”. By that time, I am too weak to argue, sadness has engulfed me and i just response with an “ok”.

I get up and we head to the hospital. Thankfully my daughter is treated and we get to come home immediately.

He leaves for work and I sit down to think about the events of the past one and a half weeks. Pregnant, 2 kids on ground, my savings spent on making a home for us and I am to be abandoned because of a newling*****

Several questions come to mind after reading this story, but the most pertinent for me is why hurt the one who has shown you nothing but loyalty? The one who birthed your kids, who made your home, who had your back when you had nothing? Why?

Why do we hurt our loved ones so? Is it a natural instinct or what? My people, I am confused. What do you think?

I leave us with this quote “Our culture does not teach us this, but what happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas. If you cheat in Vegas, it comes right home with you. If you cheat in Vegas, you walk home as a cheater. You lie awake at a night a cheater. You cannot escape it – Tom Shadyac

xoxoxoxo…MFA

Photo credit: saharareporters.com

 

 

26 thoughts on “Married Woman Chronicles: When Love Goes Wrong (2).

  1. Its a real sad one. Mam i honestly sympathies with all that u r going thru but dont blame d other woman cause if it wasnt her it couldnt b anoda babe. Now to my opinion take it all to God in prayer, he sees it all n he will comfort u. Single ladies i plead pls let b considerate towards the married women, lets learn to say NO irrespective of how hard it is. Y destroy someone elses home while hoping to build urs someday. Mam letting go sometimes isnt d worst thing in d world no matter how hard it may seem. What is urs is urs, no need putting urself thru d emotional n psychological torture. If he wants to leave let him, concentrate on ur kids, channel ur love towards their well being. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. So all u v to pray for is to live to see the end of d tunnel. Let God fight all ur battles for u.

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  2. So you want to beg him to stay or what?

    He can go to hell, good riddance to bad rubbish!

    It might seem impossible to move on but you just have to keep breathing. Tell yourself you will not die.
    Take care of yourself, and when the baby comes drop her/him and the older children at his doorstep. He can throw them away along with the marriage if he doesn’t want them too.

    Quick question: How many times in the course of your marriage, did you ask him what he’d eat after he has been bad to you?

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    • Pardon?! What exactly are you saying? Is it that easy to let ones husband go like that? Maybe you havent heard of how hard it is to be a single mother, you dont know about their struggles.

      Did you also say drop the kids at his door step? Im confused. Is it that easy to let go of your own children too. To allow your children to be raised in another womans house. God knows the kind of maltreatment they might go through.

      Are you male or female? I thought you were female, but Im confused by your comments.

      Geez! You need to chill and think stuff through.

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      • I am a female but honestly and quite frankly I don’t care.

        If he can stand or tolerate another woman/relative maltreating our children, so can I.

        Yes, the children might or might not suffer but I’m sure they’ll be fine.

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  3. The man does not love her again and has probably found happiness outside the marriage. Its ok, things like this happen. 2 options:

    1. Beg him to stay in the marriage and allow him total freedom to have relationship with other women. You will have a husband figure at home but not a real husband.
    2. Let him go totally. Re-plan your life and move on.

    Peace.

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  4. I feel ur pain and truly sorry for wat u r going thru.
    All I can tell u is let the Mitch go. rediscover urself. I kw it will b hard, but try. U will probably b better off without his stupid ass around u.
    Keep an open mind to him and the world and God will make u laugh again.:-)

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  5. Madam, move on with your life. This man is capable of killing you. Get a job, face your work and your children. Being a single parent cannot be worse than what you are experiencing. Especially in Naija, when you can get a lot of help for cheap and there is boarding school. Get your life together. Take what you can take and move on. Frankly i would have said go balistic on him first but you are too pregnant for that. No need to give him the satisfaction. Move on with your children. Go and be successful.

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      • Yes, it is how wives move on. When your life and safety is concerned, you have to take a hike. If your life and well being is threatened in a marriage, you have to get yourself out of it. Is it by force to remain married? Are they using it to collect money from the bank? You cannot stay married to someone that doesn’t want to stay married to you. She needs to go and start working and decide how to be there for her children. Which exact struggle do single women face that she has not faced times 5 in this her marriage. Please at some point, we need to wake up and smell the coffee. She needs to get herself to the point where he won’t bother her.

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      • Kon what exactly do you want them to advise her… Seriously!!! That she should kill herself because a man has chosen to use his own hand and lust to bring down his own home; because he has lost the plot so she should stop live… Yes she so needs to move on… what will you even as a bloke do if your Mrs choose to leave you etc (God forbid); will you commit suicide? I empathise with you lady… but you can do all things through God, so sis, hold unto your creator at this evil times because this too shall pass, take my word for it. The thought of being rejected is so painful that is why everyone is saying ‘move on’; and ‘move on’ you will have to if he doesnt budge or change his ways but may I also suggest that you speak to his family members, someone he is accountable to, his friends and someone that he listens to in your place of worship (not sure of your religion); am hoping there will be someone that can talk some sense into his head and you should also be on your knees hun because most things are more spiritual than natural; all these wayward agents of the devil in the form of strange women that want to destroy people’s homes… that is their agenda and purpose… shiuo. So pray, pray and pray and also speak to your family i,e. your mum etc and seek Godly counsel; you my dear will laugh last and laugh best!!! Let me leave you with this quote babes – ‘”Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay then it’s not the end” – Anonymous

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    • What ever happened to struggling to keep your marriage together. What happened to putting the children into consideration. Do you know how many of our parents stuck together just because of our sake when we were all kids? Do you know this separation/divorce will affect the Children? How will this affect the perspective of the kids on life when they grow up seeing their father only visit but never stay with them.

      Its single women that go around screaming “move on!” The married women and even men know that its not beans to just decide you want to leave your life time partner simply because he is having mid life crises. There are so many factors to consider.

      Is this what society has come to? When people are swearing before God to stick together till death did they think God was joking. Is this what the Church has been teaching yall? Is this what your tradition/culture says about marriage? The 1st solution is to stick with the man and try as much as possible to fix the marriage, even if he continues cheating. When all attempts have failed then the 2nd option of moving on can be considered.

      Where in the story does it say the guy wants to kill his wife? @Fineola. Abi is cheating tantamount to killing now?

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      • Is it until the man puts a gun to her head that he shows hebwants to kill her? He health is in danger. She has managed to develop high blood pressure. Certainly, with further thinking, stroke will not be far off. If she is sick or dead, how is she supposed to fight for this man? He who runs today will leave to fight another day. Even Ojukwu had to call of the biafra war when he saw it wasnt working anymore. Have you thought of what its like raising children in such toxic enviroment. The kind of hate they will develop for their father giving how he treats them and their mother. Have you thought of that? I have whose parents were hanging on to we are staying because of the kids. They literally begged their parents to get a divorce as the house was just unpeaceful and cold. We worry so much about cosmetics. Children are better off with both parents living together. Please stop. The best thing for kids are two sane parents raising them with a clear head. No one is saying get a divorcee now now but please get a job and focus on that and your children. Move on with your life.

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  6. Na wa oo. This matter is for the elders to decide on. Lol. Am a supporter of moving on when loosing the fight mean paying with your life but in this case, I can’t say. I will just seek answers from God in this case. I haven’t heard prayer is part solution or as a solution in this outburst. You don’t give up on your marriage bcos u think your case is the worse or your husband is and can’t change. Ma’am, your fight for the marriage just started. Do not give up, might be a phase. Most people here that think husband or family is a bizness or imvestment..Even in bizness, you don’t close it down just like that. Madam, your marriage journey is not what you think it would be but by Gods grace, this phase shall pass.

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  7. Marriage is a hard case to advise on, because it involves so many elements. when a man mistreats you so badly it is easy to say pack your bags and leave. but we can never tell if he’s going through a phase of madness and maybe he will be touched by the holy spirit fire. I think every person should fight for their marriage but retain a piece of themselves. don’t make ur husband ur alpha and omega. only God fits that bill. create a world where u are “King”. so that if he messes up the marriage will not fall apart. u will be happy and he will be happy. am not saying women should cheat o. but make urself happy. siphon enough of his money, and get as much assets as u can. secure d future of ur kids and above all stay happy and true to urself.

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    • U are my kind of girl. women secure urselves. the current crop of men r selfish and greedy. they know nothing but themselves, the little h**** dey carry about and then their extended family. save as much as u can. a woman who is financially independent is a King. gone are d days of give me 5k, give me 10k. noooooo d day he says oh am broke, tell him here u go, take 100k. he will respect u more and not thrw his dirt in ur face. stand up for yourself. u caught him with another girl yet u r d one begging. tufiakwa. na person wey get the water for body go tire. my aunty’s husband is a serial cheat, anything in skirts is good for him, but he noticed my aunt didn’t send and instead she was looking better everyday, smiling and happy. na so fear catch am. he started thinking my aunt was cheating nd started monitoring her. u cant be actively monitoring and cheating at dsame time can u? end of d story he has reduced his cheating. women get your power back.

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      • Nice @ getting ur power back and securing ur self.
        But e fit back fire cos while ur aunt was all smiles and being fresh. I can bet it that she died a million deaths every day her husby was out. now he has reduced but she is probably messed up emotionally.
        Speak out people when there r issues. Secure both the heart, mind and finances. don’t die a million deaths in the name of forming superwoman.

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  8. Hmmm, its easy for most of yous’ to.advise.her to.pack her bag and move on.
    Move on to where with 3 kids? Even if she is financially.independent of the man. Dont these children deserve a father figure? Is dat what we want for our children? To.me, the story is that which a lot of women go through. The husband is a cheat, oh he wants a seperation, oh he travelled w/o staying in touch. Trust me there are worse stories than this one o.
    Is there something prayers and fasting cant do? She needs to pray and chase d devil out of her home. At the end of the day,a testimony awaits her.
    You dont even want to know what it takes to raise kids single handedly. Money is major but wont solve all that matters in having a healthy family.
    She needs to get the families involved if need be, sit both parties down and sort things amicably. if he insist on seperation pls grant him, he would eventually come round esp as his eyes wo

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    • Shally A thanks for your comment of a healthy family… is it not when the husband is putting his head down and ready to love his wife and kids that the family will be healthy. This whole mention of a a ‘father figure’ is quite nauseating… ‘a father figure’ that is a ‘figure head’ that has no love for the kids. Will it be good for the kids to live with a father that does not send their mum and them and beats/ abuses her in front of them due to the hate he now has for them all; or will it be be better for the woman to stay alone with her kids and raise them up in love and show them how they can make ‘lemonade’ if the world throws ‘lemons’ at you… Am really upset by this story because its so unfair… That is why most women don’t allow themselves to fall vulnerably in love these days, people are ‘standing in love’ now with their eyes wide open because of too many heartaches all around… Sad.

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  9. It’s sad that the one who we love hurts us the most. You know y? Cos he or she knows you so well, he knows the buttons to push to get on ur last nerve.
    Familiarity brings contemt, but should u always prepare for the worst while u are having fun? It’s our reality though. The reason y people hurt the one they used to love,is to kill their ability to rise above whatever effect the lost love would cause. It’s crazy.

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  10. Sitting here, reading this story, I don’t know if it’s sending scares down my spine or a sense of boldness at whatever would come. The first few days are always the hardest – It’ll get better is what I tell myself. The Lord be with you

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  11. wow, but why did you beg now, hmm it would have been nice if you had something doing, a means of getting income instead of depending fully on your husband. this is reaaly bad #smh.

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  12. Pingback: Married Woman Chronicles: When Love Goes Wrong (3). | Lifetitudes

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